Smile!

Always look for the bright side!

That’s what I try to tell myself when I’m feeling down about our fertility treatments.  Sometimes it can feel very isolated when it seems like everyone around you has kids or is getting pregnant.  You tend to feel like you’re alone in your journey; that no one else gets what you’re going through.

Whenever I start to feel down about something, be it our infertility or my unemployment or anything at all, I have to make a joke out of what I’m going through.  It’s my defense mechanism.  I’m not a fan of being pitied so I try to make light of my situations.

For instance, every night I have to give myself injections in my stomach.  These injections will produce many, many, many eggs which can then be retrieved, fertilized and put back in, and hopefully grow into a little baby Pal. 

The downside of this is that I loathe needles. I wish I could close my eyes when I do the injections, but then I’d probably stab my fingers instead!  Also, I can’t keep injecting into the same area because it’ll become too sensitive and I’ll have a hard time getting the needle in.  Because of this I have to inject a different area around my belly button each night.

So what’s the upside?  Well, the needles cause some slight bruising, and since I have to change where I do the injections, the result is a smile shape around my belly button.

The bruises make me smile. I can’t help it, if I see someone else smile, I smile, so I guess if I see a smile shape made of bruises I smile too!  Granted it’s not a full smile, but it’s enough to make me happy that I have something not everyone else does.  Come on, how many people do you know with a smile around their belly button?

I know the picture is blurry, it's the best one I could take. The bruises are beginning to heal so they are more yellow-ish is this picture.

Also, as you can see from the picture I’m not exactly a size 2.  I often complain to my sister that I’m tired of the weight I've packed on from being home so much and from all the hormone injections.  I know, I know, it’s not healthy to have such a poor body image.

The upside of this weight gain is that I have my choice of belly rolls to grab when I need to do my injections!  The way I see it, if I was a size 2 then I wouldn't have any rolls to grab and then I’d probably hate the needles even more!  But, with my added weight, I can grab a roll with ease and inject away!! And I can smile knowing that I’m adding building to the smile on my belly!